From: Patti JONES Ahrens ('60-RIP)
Date submitted by Patti: December 7, 2010

Re: Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if
you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
serving rum balls. 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare...
you cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! 
Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as 
if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. 
It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later 
than you think. It's Christmas! 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano
out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the
volcano. Repeat. 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party
is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and
New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing
else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need
after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate
of food and that vat of eggnog. 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as 
you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a
beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never
going to see them again. 

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat, Pecan. Have a slice 
of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one
pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more
than one dessert? Labor Day? 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I
mean, have some standards. 

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave 
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just
around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: 

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "HOLY SH*T!
what a ride!" 

Have a great holiday season!! Merry Christmas!!!

-Patti JONES Ahrens ('60-RIP)
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